Friday 5 is our weekly list of altogether useless information that you can’t live without.
Valentine’s Day, which is less than a week away, is one of those love-it-or-hate-it holidays for many of us. And whether you love it or hate it depends entirely on whether or not you’re in a romantic relationship with someone and, if you are, how that relationship is going.
For the record, let me just say that this year I love it. Last year I hated it. That’s because last year I was so heartbroken that I made everybody around me sick. This year I’m so in love that I’m likely to make everybody around me sick.
Despite the extreme emotions that Valentine’s Day tends to stoke in many people, I also realize that there is a large segment of the population who are caught somewhere in between. This could be because they have just begun a relationship and it’s too soon to tell how it’s going, or because they’ve been married to the same person for enough years to be beyond googly eyes but not long enough to have formed a deep resentment, or simply because they are not emotive to begin with.
This Friday 5 is for those caught in between love and hatred for their Valentines. Here are five things you can do this Valentine’s Day to show your lover just how ambivalent you feel toward him or her:
- Send them a bouquet of marigolds. They are cheap, plentiful and have no fragrance. They put on a pretty good show but ultimately are bland and lacking substance.
- Give them a box of Palmer chocolates. From the maker of those hollow Easter bunnies, gold foil-wrapped coins and Christmas balls, these are much less expensive than Godiva but still technically pass for chocolate.
- For an intimate gift without seeming too interested in sex, give a package of plain white Hanes underwear. Practical, durable, yet the last line of defense before nudity.
- Post one of those greetings from someecards to their Facebook wall. OK, this is actually a semi-serious suggestion. Qualifies as sending a card but snarky at the same time.
- Take your heartthrob — more like your heart murmur — out to dinner, but don’t go overboard. Long John Silver’s or Dairy Queen should do it.